Core Beliefs Matter & Other Helpful Websites

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"A core belief is not an everyday garden variety belief that pops up spontaneously – it is the mother of all beliefs, the big kahuna of suffering and the king or queen of your own personal underworld.  Often we are completely unaware of what our core belief/s are (even if we think we are “conscious”!) and it is quite common to disbelieve their existence. As I mentioned at the beginning; discovering your core beliefs will either make you fall to your knees or brush them off with absolute disbelief. But the truth is that we all have core beliefs and we are all manipulated by them . . . The truth is that inner work is not always a “feel good” or clean and sanitary journey. We all want to quickly arrive at the destination of self-love. We all want  to relax in the sanctuary of warmth and healing that comes with the development of inner peace. In fact,  often we believe that we have finally arrived to the end of our healing journey, when in reality we have so much more inner work to do."  ~https://lonerwolf.com/core-beliefs/  

My Life is a testament to the encouragement and support that my sisters, wife, daughter, grandchildren, my parents and other birth family and many other significant and dear friends have given me. After much struggle, I have realized and accepted that God was always there and His grace covered me, even when I was unaware or did not believe that was possible for me. I could not have grown to this point in my life, or lived this long, without their input, love and support of these, as well as the challenge, nurture and inspiration from countless others, who touched my life for good.  Truly no man is an island unto himself and we all need a little help from our friends.  The memory of my parents, Aldon and Alma Louise Utz, lives on within me as I gratefully reflect upon how they taught me to love and savor words, to sing my own new songs, to search for meanings and understandings and to express myself with dignity, always reaching, with God's help, to do my best in any undertaking.  My poetry book, Life's Ebb and Flow: A Poetic Journey, is a record of the peaks and valleys of my striving to honor their teaching and yet make sense of and find my own way through the ebb and flow of my  own life.  My struggles have been many and I have written on my greatest needs: for friendship, for love, for recovery and for the freedom to feel, to reflect, to be creative and connected to the God of my understanding.   Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that "Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world."  I know that to be so true, because fear dominated my life,  even from an early age.  Hindsight, tells me of many things including socializing and dating and practical skills which I lost out on or did not even try because I feared I was not worthy or would not be successful or could not be perfect in doing them. This manuscript has been typed with two fingers, an ever-present reminder of the consequences of that fear.

It is my hope that, as you read,  you will find something on this website that you identitify with, touches you, challenges you, encourages or lifts you up,  that causes you to pause, reflect and savor an understanding.  I hope you will find humor, a smile, a remembrance or reason to be joyful, and perhaps there will be an insight which can help you make your life better. I believe what Marcus Aurelius wrote, "Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always looks there."  It took me many years to realize it, but today, I know, that source of strength is there, deep within me.  I wrote to understand my purpose under God, what He would have me be and do and to chronicle, by way of self therapy,  my progress in my journey from the dark valleys of delusion, depression and despondency onto higher ground, the slopes and mountain tops of love, hope, joy and  happiness.  I have realized that Emerson was correct, "Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine."  I focused on those shadows, never realizing that I was my own worst enemy, and sadly, that I was in the sunshine all along.  I know today that life is not just found exclusively in peaks and valleys, nor in life's ebbs and flows, but that it takes both for us to have balance in our lives.  We could never know the sweet, without the bitter, and never find our way to achieve our high calling as homo sapiens, the man of wisdom.   I want very much to enjoy what Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote, "There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you've grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness."

On the following pages I will examine the evolution of some of my core beliefs, at least the ones that I am now aware of, and by reading my story gain hope to develop ways and means to root out and overcome those beliefs which proved to be so devastating to my life.  If you identify with parts of my story, my prayer is that you will find the hope and determination to also mine (dig deeply to find) your core beliefs, bring them into the light of day so that you can replace them with beliefs which enable you to reach for, and build a happier life.